Today I'm pleased to feature a fun fantasy novel by author Arthur Daigle. This is Book 2 in the series; click here to read his hilarious Realm Explorers post about Book 1!
We're rich! Run and Hide!
Will Bradshaw is still stuck being King of the Goblins, but there's a new threat to him and his friends. He's just learned that the Bottle of Hope is hidden somewhere in his kingdom. The bottle can heal any injury or illness, a prize so great that adventurers, treasure hunters and thieves are flooding into the kingdom to steal it. Even worse, a force of unspeakable evil is after the Bottle of Hope and seeks to destroy it.
Facing this threat is going to take intelligence, courage and strength, qualities that goblins are short on. But Will has already proven that his goblins are better than anyone gave them credit for. With help from greedy witches, helpful monsters and the Bottle of Hope, Will is determined to lead them to victory again.
Author's Contact Information:
Booksie.com: www.booksie.com/ArthurD7000
Chapter One
A highwayman waited patiently next to a dirt road while reading a copy of Banditry for Beginners, An Introduction to Wealth Extraction (a best seller for evildoers new to the trade). He was tall and thin, wearing threadbare clothing and a cloak, and was so dirty from weeks without bathing that the smell coming off him wilted flowers and panicked birds. It was early morning and he’d been hiding behind an old oak tree for hours waiting for a victim to pass by, blissfully unaware of the humiliating defeat he was about to receive.
The
highwayman’s patience was rewarded when a young man walked down the road. The man had brown hair and gray eyes, and
wore a green shirt, black vest, black pants, black gloves with green fingers, a
black hat with a green ribbon sewn in the base, and a cape, black on the
outside and green on the inside. His
clothes weren’t the height of fashion, but they were in good condition. The highwayman smiled. Anyone dressed well had money.
Waiting
until the young man was close enough to touch, the highwayman leapt out from
behind the tree. With a triumphant yell
he reached into his grubby cloak, drawing out a battered long sword with one
hand and a dagger with the other.
Pointing the sword at his victim’s chest, he shouted, “Hands in the
air!”
To the
highwayman’s surprise, the man seemed more amused than frightened. “Hi there, William Bradshaw, King of the
Goblins. And who are you?”
The
highwayman stared at him, dumbfounded.
“What are you doing?”
“Introducing
myself,” his victim replied casually.
The
highwayman put his dagger away and took out his book from behind the tree. “You’re supposed to try to run away or hand
over your money when you meet a highwayman.
It says so in chapter two, right after the part about selecting a good
ambush site and not being eaten by wildlife.”
Will pointed
a finger at his attacker. “You’re a
highwayman?”
“Yes, and a
dangerous one at that!”
Still
smiling, Will said, “This is a bit of good luck. Do you have something to write on?”
Confused,
the highwayman said, “Well, there are margins in the book. It says you can use those for taking notes.”
“That should
do,” Will said. “I’ve been living in
these parts for a few months, and the road conditions are terrible. There are wagon ruts deep enough you could
lose a cow in them, and the potholes are even worse if you can believe that.”
Puzzled, the
highwayman asked, “Potholes?”
Will
nodded. “I know Ket Kingdom is strapped
for cash, but if the roads are in bad shape then farmers and merchants can’t
get to market, and that’s going to cut down on tax revenue. Plus there’s road kill everywhere and
nobody’s picking it up. That’s a nasty
job, believe me, I know, but it has to be done.”
The
highwayman waved his book. “I don’t
think you understand. I’m a highwayman.”
“You already
said that.”
“That
doesn’t mean I work for the highway department.” The highwayman held up his book and
explained, “A highwayman is someone who robs people as they go from one place
to another. I am, in fact, robbing you.”
“You’re a
robber?” Will asked.
“Yes,” the
highwayman explained patiently, “I am a robber.”
Will
scratched his head. He glanced at the
tall grass along the road and saw shapes moving through it. Here and there a head peeked up and a small,
goofy looking face stared at the highwayman.
Will wanted to keep the highwayman’s attention on him, so he asked,
“What’s it like?”
“Oh, it’s
grand! There are plenty of advancement
opportunities, you get lots of fresh air, travel to new places, and you get to
meet the most interesting people and see what’s in their pockets. Speaking of which, empty them out.”
Will did as
ordered. The contents of his pockets
included a bottle cap, a handkerchief, a handful of lint and a brochure for
Eddy’s All You Can Eat Rib Roast Restaurant.
The highwayman looked at the meager offering and gave Will a suspicious
glare. “You’re joking. That can’t be all you have.”
“Sad but
true,” Will replied.
“You said
you were a king!”
“Yes,” Will
said slowly. “I’m the King of the
Goblins. I’d like you to think about
that. Do goblins generally have anything
worth taking?”
The
highwayman rubbed his chin. “Well, no,
but you being a king I was hoping for something better than the shiny rocks
you’ll find in a goblin’s pockets.”
“I’m sorry
to tell you that’s not the case,” Will said.
“The kingdom is flat broke. The
only reason we’re not in debt is the fact that nobody was crazy enough to lend
us money in the first place. You can
have the lint if you want.”
“No, you
don’t get much for lint.” The highwayman
was stymied. He had weapons and a
victim, but no loot. This didn’t come up
in the book, or at least the parts he’d read.
He wished he’d bought the advanced burglary books or finished the one he
had. Then he saw something shiny hanging
from Will’s belt. A scepter! “All right, I’ll take your scepter. Hand it over.”
“This?” Will looked at his bronze scepter set with
fire opals, a prize he had no intention of losing. He glanced around and saw more shapes drift
through the grass. They weren’t very
big, but there were a lot of them and they were all moving toward Will and his
attacker. They’d need a few seconds to
get into place. He had to stall the
highwayman for a bit longer. “You do
realize this is a fire scepter, right? I
can turn it on pretty fast, and turn you
into 180 pounds of well done steak.”
“You
can? Oh, it’s magic! Yes, I heard about those, very good resale
value. Uh, let’s see…I’ve got it! You don’t move at all, and I’ll take the
scepter from you and won’t stab you.
Sound fair?”
“Now that
you mention it, no,” Will said. “You’re
sure you want to do this? Robbing a king
is a bad career move.”
The
highwayman laughed. “You said it
yourself, you’re the King of the Goblins.
Those dirty little things aren’t much of a threat.”
“If there’s
only one of them then you’re right, they’re normally not a threat,” Will
conceded. “But they do have two things
going for them.”
Curious, the
highwayman asked, “What’s that?”
“They’re
very quiet when they want to be,” Will said as a mob of thirty goblins dressed
in rags or miniature WW I German infantry uniforms poured out of the tall grass
and ran at the highwayman. “And there’s
never only one goblin.”
No comments:
Post a Comment